When I first decided to live in a more mindful way - or, to be more accurate, to try to feel better -- I thought what bothers me most? What's in the way? Well, I was tired of being afraid. I thought that at least if I could define what scared me the most and why, maybe they wouldn't cling to me so hard . So, I tried digging deep: what was I most afraid of? At this stage of my life, death did not really frighten me, or the idea of dying. But I couldn't imagine if something were to happen to my son, how would I survive that? I couldn't imagine that I'd be able to.

So, I carried the question around with me for a while. And then I found some books that had titles that called me over, that resonated with me. One of the reasons I don't fear death is because of all the evidence I've seen, read, heard about and personally experienced that convince me that there is nothing to fear. There is nothing specific, of course, because I'm not, nor have I ever been, there yet, but it's certainly been a process for me to get here. I've been shown and I believe that it's all right. Ask the question; get an answer.

Anyway, there was a book I read entitled, "Growing Up in Heaven," about children that had died, written by James Van Praagh. I also read "Into The Light" by John Lerma. M.D., a real game-changer.

So, being open to finding some answers, they instead found me.

Next came spiders. Still working on that one.

Susan Erickson Catucci

August 16, 2022

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